Sunday, October 29, 2006

Tell Me, What Are Husbands For?

Is it just me, or do husbands sometimes really miss the mark?
A friend and I were chatting last evening about husbands in general, and the differrences between men and women. Boy! We really are different.

Women, as we know, generally like to communicate emotionally. We may not come right out and say what it is we want, but we often elude to it, by do something meaningful.(By the way, this is not a good thing. We must learn to be direct, as well) A man is different. He usually is straight forward and blunt...sometimes too blunt! Half the time, they miss what we are saying to them anyway. So, what do we do? We must work on our communication skills.

My friend's husband wanted her to make a cuople of cakes for his business. She agreed. She took her time, and made a couple of pound cakes and bananna nut bread. Her husband says, he doesn't want the bananna bread, just the cake. Now, his wife being a great cake maker, says okay, but take some strawberries to go with the pound cake. Because it needed a fruit medley to go along with it. (She knows her cake, and knew she baked it a little too long). The husband: No, fruit don't go with that. The wife just smiles and says okay.

During this whole scenario, did the husband thank his wife...No. Did he thank her for the time she took out of her schedule...and their five kids, to say thanks? Nope. So, anywho...he takes it to his job, and for himself, a piece of the bananna nut bread. He comes home later, and says: Everyone loved your cake! They gave you great tips!... Now, do you think he left it there? Nope, he continues his conversation by saying: I thought it was a little dry! Could you believe that?! When she told me, I have to admit, I laughed. (we often laugh at our husbands...they are hilarious sometimes) It was so typical of him. She told him, that's why she wanted to give him the strawberries--to go with the pound cake! To which, he says: Oh...Do you have anymore bananna nut bread? She says, no. The kids ate it!

Now, in all this, my friend just wanted her husband to say thanks. Thank you, dear wife, for taking the time, and baking these cakes for me. I told her, he'd get the hint later....Before he left back out the house, she gave him the three pieces of bananna nut bread she saved for him. He just looked at her, put his head down and left. She called me back that evening...wanting to make me laugh...and she did! She said, when he got home, he told her..."Uh, the cake was really good. Can you make some more?" (His way of saying thank you)

I had to laugh! When are we going to learn that, women and men are just different? We really have to learn that key fact, and learn how to communicate effectively through our differences. Husbands and wives must come up with their own language. The marriage language. And, every marriage has it's own two are the same. This comes when we start to listen to one another, and learn our husband's and wive's communication style.

What are husbands for? I can think of a whole lot. And, I'm looking forward to researching every one of them!

Live to Love

Saturday, October 28, 2006

It's Not Easy Being Green!

Jealousy! What a vicious character. Warping one's mind to think things that are not necessarily the truth. Okay, this morning as I was going through a few things (I'm in the middle of packing--we're moving), I came across an old note book with some notes that I had jotted down. The topic of discussion: Jealousy, and what to do about it.

I was taught to believe that jealousy is a wasted emotion, that can wreak the most havoc, if allowed to go unchecked. I also know, that jealousies ugly root hides in the guise of insecurities. When you are insecure about anything...Beware! The green eyed monster is not too far behind.

I've experienced battles with the green eyed monster; we all have. If you say you haven't, I'm apt to believe that most of what you say isn't the truth. Anywho! I learned, it is not easy being green! Jealousy takes a lot of energy. What was I jealous about, you might ask? Well, keeping it honest and real...I have dealt with a weight issue what seems like FOREVER! But I was maintaining, losing a few pounds here and there. Then enter a co-worker. Who, by the way, in my opinion did not need to lose an ounce! However, she felt she did, and so she started this new "diet" (I so hate that word), anywho. She started dropping the pounds, faster than I could blink.

Now enters my jealousy...she was looking wonderful, and when I looked at myself...Blah! I could hardly stand to be in the same room as her. I wished, she'd just be quiet about all her success! But in all actuality, I was angry at myself for what seem to me at the time--as my failure. I found myself not being very social with her, as I was previously. In fact, I found myself pulling away from many activities that I was doing at the time.

My God! What was happening to me? Jealousy! That green eyed monster nearly cost me a friendship, and almost caused me to put back on the few pounds I did lose! Because if you didn't know it, let me tell you now; jealousy can easily lead to self-pity, and for many people in that state--they eat to suppress the feelings that they are trying to evade. Lord, help me please! I really had to get a hold of myself. So, I started writing down my "feelings" in my journal, and appropriately named: It's Not Easy Being Green!

How did I finally get it together? I yelled at myself. My brother and sister in-law affectionately call me, The Captain. I have a no non-sense kind of attitude, and not too mention the effect I have on my nieces and nephews. So, I had to be my own drill sergeant, and take charge of my poor attitude and get it together.

My primary problem? Comparing myself to someone else. We should never compare ourselves to anyone else. Besides, you don't even know what that person may be going through. Or, what it took for them to get where they are at. Their shoes may not be such a great fit. And please, learn to love the skin you're in. Because until you do, no one else can.

Jealousy! Boy do we know you well...Perhaps too well. It's definitely not easy being green...So, I'm choosing another color!

Love Yourself

Friday, October 27, 2006

Fare Thee Well

Fare Thee Well...good day. Fare Thee Well.
I was speaking with a friend this morning--actually two friends (three-way)--and we were discussing the hurt and pain that one might encounter during marriage. The saddest realization was the fact, that many problems occur from outside the marriage.

Many of the problems that our marriages have faced, seemed to have come from outside sources; primarily family. You know...those "loved ones" that only want the best for you? However, the canny thing about it, is that most of them are not married. Or, are in fact divorced. Then you have those "friends" that are so ready to offer up their opinions...Beware! Every friend baring gifts, is not necessarily a gift you should accept or even open!

I wonder if we (husbands & wives), would pull apart from everyone else, and concentrate on each other; how much father would we be in our goal to a healthy and sound marriage?

I will openely admit, that marriage is hard--sometimes--but it is so much worth the joy. Moreover, it is harder yet when we allow outsiders into our intimate circle. I don't know about anyone else, but two adults in my marriage bed is enough for me! Only two people should be deciding what goes on in my home: my husband and myself. Remember that old saying: Too Many Cooks Spoil The Pot? Well, too many people's opinion in one's marriage creates devestating results.

Yes, sometimes we invite people into our circle to give advice, or get their take on something. However, we should never divulge the secrets of our marriage without one another's consent. I'm of the strong belief that, what goes on between a husband and wife, is between a husband and wife. Now, don't get me wrong; I am aware of those extreme cases of where abuse may be taking place...but I am not referring to that at this time. (That's a discussion for another time) What I am saying, however, is that we have to be careful of the advice we are receiving, and who we are inviting into our circle. Not everyone is for "us" as they may appear to be, and may do more harm than good.

Oh yeah! For heaven's sake! Why do we take advice or listen to people who have never been married? Or, for that matter, prefer to be single? If that's what they choose--fine. But for goodness sake! Marriage is for those who have chosen a different path than single hood. If you want to continue to live the single way of life...then please, don't get married. Because you will definitely do more harm than good...especially if children are involved. And, this is definitely my opion. But judging from the things I have seen and witnessed...marriage is not for the faint of heart...Or for those loving the single life.

My Grandmama ( I know: grandmama. That's what I called her :) ) used to say to me: That marriage is for grown folks. Now I understand. It definitely takes a certain maturity to be married. And, if you don't have will definitely find yourself in a whole heap of trouble...trying to figure out, how to get out!

Well, I suppose I have rambled on again...but, fare thee well. I pray that your day goes well and that you get out of it everything that you are looking for.

Fare Thee Well

Thursday, October 26, 2006

It's Amazing!

It's amazing! I can't believe I finally got around to doing this. Lazy? No. Scared? No...not that either. Procrastinator...yes! I admit--I've been quite busy doing many things...but it should never be an excuse to start something that's been in your heart to do. No excuse! I really have none.

However, I digress...
Tell Me Where You Hurt is the actual title of a poem I had written a while ago. (I'll post that at a later date) I see so many things that are causing so many people makes my heart heavy. Now, don't get me wrong-- I am no goody-two-shoes...nor am I a saint...and God knows I am farrrrrrr from perfect. But what I am, is a very good listener. A very good friend.

Sometimes, people just want to talk...they want to be heard without anyone necessarily telling them how to slove their problems...but, just to acknowlegde their hurt, that it does exist, and if advice or direction is what they desire...that they may receive it without feeling condemned or ridiculed.

My hurt? Well, I happen to have a few. However, right now, I am in the middle of major transitions which are causing some major pain...nothing I will not get through. But seeing the end of the tunnel? It sure seems a long way off. Nevertheless, I have faith, and believe that the storms will soon pass.

Well, I guess I better end this first post now. Surely, someone will think I am long winded...maybe so, but it's all in love. Anywho :)! I'll be getting the hang of this and checking in often...I'm quite curious to how people are feeling and what's going on in their world. So, I hope this new journey of mine will not only bring me peace and pleasure...but many others as well.